One Child is Too Many

This is an ugly topic that no one wants to discuss.  It is about Human Trafficking as it pertains to children and teens.  It is estimated that between 100,000 and 300,000 children are at risk of commercial sexual exploitation and sex trafficking each year. (Estes &Weiner, 2001)  This can include runaways, children who come into this country through coyotes (not the animal, but smugglers) or just kidnapped to be forced into this life.  

Let me tell you about an 18 year old girl, Rebecca Bender.  She grew up in a great home, did well in school and even graduate from high school a year early.  But at 16 years old got pregnant and decided to keep her beautiful daughter.  It was then that she met a man who treated her with kindness.  After 6 months, she had him meet her parents.  She really liked him and felt connected to him, primarily because of the attention that he showed her little daughter.  He said he was in a band and they wanted to go to Las Vegas where they felt that they could get more recognition and gigs.  As soon as they got there, they pulled up to an escort service.  He told Rebecca that he had spent a lot of money to get her down to Las Vegas and that she would need to earn it back.  There was an apartment paid with first and last months rent, a fridge with food, and now she needed to make money through prostituting herself.  In Las Vegas, 90% of prostitute women and girls are controlled by pimps aka traffickers.  If she didn't bring home 1500 dollars a night, he threatened to leave her child on the street.  She faced an ugly world all around her.  She was fed the lies that trapped her.  There is a happy ending to this story, but not every trafficking story does.  After six years of abuse, arrests, and fear, she was able to escape her trafficker and make it back to her family.  Today she stands as an advocate for those caught in the world of human trafficking. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHcoEY6gJJ0&t=6s)

Unfortunately, hers is not the only story to be told.  According to the website, Polaris Project, in one year, they were able to documents 11,500 stories of human trafficking.  The numbers are not precise because getting accurate data can be difficult.

In doing research on this topic, I found legislation titled “Trafficking Victims Protection Act”.  I was surprised that it took until the year 2000 to have laws passed to protect trafficked victims.  It also showed which federal agencies are involved and how they are working to combat these terrible crimes. These agencies are Department of Homeland Security and Department of Health and Human Services.  Without Polaris, this important data wouldn’t have been available to different organizations or the government.

There are also many organizations to involved in helping to stop this "modern day slave trade".  One of those people is Mr. Tim Ballard.  He created an organization called O.U.R. (Operation Underground Railroad).  He and his team have not only recovered children and teens that are being trafficked but understood the importance of what comes next in their lives- recovery.  In an interview with Tim Ballard on YouTube with Lewis Howes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHQHP7cCg0c&t=3517s), he included stories of his successful and unsuccessful operations.  He started this operation about 20 years ago.  In that time, he discovered that we in the United States are the #1 consumers of Child Exploitations like, prostitution or pornography, even videos online of children being abused.

I want to touch on a subject about abuse of children that is actually shocking and disturbing.  In the interview with Ballard he talks about the dark web and how our children can be bought and sold, even trapped into this trade.  But I want to address something that most might not consider dangerous or even suspect, and that is the world of family vloggers.  YouTube has become a place where stay at home moms can make money from companies as they advertise with their families online.  It's innocent and harmless, they think, until you look and see their demographics. When you see that videos you may be posting, innocently for sure, of your daughters in bathing suits or doing the splits, go look to see who is watching.  One young girl whose parents are having her be part of their vlog, has over 50% of her videos viewed by men in the age range of 25-44 year old demographic.  That's disturbing.  Are we so naïve that we don't recognize that we are becoming the traffickers?  Maybe that is a bit to harsh, but these children can't give their consent to having videos of them online or who will be watching it. 

We have a way to get involved.  We can become educated.  We can stand up for the victims.  One child is too many to be involved in this life.  

Ways to get involved:

O.U.R. website

Polaris Project website

rebeccabender.org

My Divine Identity and Destiny

 My Divine Identity and Destiny

The Family: A Proclamation to the World states: “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children”. What does the Creator have in store for me? What is my destiny?  I have thought about this final blog and, I have to be honest, have procrastinated writing it because I really didn’t to what I wanted to say until now.

I came to this earth as a daughter of God with a purpose. One to gain a body and two, become like God. I have disregarded the body as nothing, with regards to just having it here on earth. Ok, so that part is done. I’ve got one. Taking this class, has really opened my eyes to understanding what this body is and how it plays into my destiny here and in the eternities.

My body is a gift. Elder Bednar stated “Have we ever really considered why having a physical body is so important? … Do we really understand why a body is so central to the Father’s plan of happiness? Do we perhaps recite this answer so frequently and routinely that we fail to recognize its true importance? (“Ye Are the Temple of God,” Ensign, Sept. 2001, 14). In terms of destiny, my body plays a role in understanding who created it, who I am in this body, and why the temptations are so strong to destroy it. First, scriptures teach us that God created us in his image. This body is the same as God’s. In D&C 130: 22 it states “The Father has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man’s”. He sent us to this earth to experience life in a body like his. Experiences have shown me that, in this body, I am his daughter. I have unique talents and qualities that I can use and develop here. I have seen him allow me to grow in ways I never would have chosen for myself. Mine would have been a much easier path. I have also been tempted so many times to hate this body and have thought that it wasn’t good enough. Elder Bednar shared his thoughts on this matter in a talk entitled “Things as they really are”. He states, “The very tool he does not have and cannot use is thus the primary target of his attempts to lure us to physical and spiritual destruction. When any of Heavenly Father’s children misuse their physical tabernacles by violating the law of chastity, by using drugs and addictive substances, by disfiguring or defacing themselves, or by worshiping the false idol of body image, whether their own or that of others, Satan is delighted. To those of us who know and understand the plan of salvation, any defiling of the body is rebellion and a denial of our true identity as sons and daughters of God (see Mosiah 2:36–37; D&C 64:34–35).” I am beginning to understand the body’s importance to my destiny here and on an eternal scale.

My destiny is to become like God. How do I do this? The scriptures share that we came to earth to experience things “in the flesh” to help us become like Him. So what things am I experiencing to fulfill my destiny? I have had the chance to experience love, kindness, forgiveness, service to others, family, peace, pain, and fear. All of these are so important to become like Him. Another important aspect is to overcome our “natural man”. The one part of us that is selfish. Our bodies have this desire to fulfill our own wants. God has asked us to “becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him...” (Mosiah 3:19) He is allowing us to be shaped here, to learn here, to have faith here, and to change here. This is what my destiny is. To take these experiences and ask him for his guidance. He didn’t leave me here alone. I have the gift of the Holy Ghost to protect, guide, testify, and be a comfort to me.

When I realize this, my destiny becomes clearer. There are days that I have to still take that step into the midst of darkness, relying on Him to help me see his path for me. “His plan by which his children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life… The plan of happiness”. (Hawkins, p.337). I look forward to each new day and a deeper understanding of my destiny!


References:
Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2016), Successful Marriages and Families Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, Provo,Utah, BYU Studies

Bednar, David A., (2010,June) "Things as They Really are", Ensign , Retreived from www.churchofjesuschrist.org

Freedom is about Family

Freedom is about Family

Yesterday, we celebrated the birth of our nation. A nation where many have fought and died that we could obtain freedom. I’d like to share a story of how my family and my marriage have lived through the experience of fighting for freedom.

Over 16 years ago, my son Cody was born and 10 days later my husband was deployed to Iraq.

My husband and I were also parents of 2 other boys. Jacob who was 9 and Austin who was 5. As a mother to these 3 boys, I would be on my own for a year. What was I going to do? When I got married to a soldier, I guess I naively thought he would never have to go to war. 9/11 changed all of that. We were married in the Oakland California temple. Sealed for time and all eternity. We shared our lives and responsibilities as equal partners. Now, he would be in the middle east and I would be with our three boys back in Utah.

“A marriage of equal partners will also be one in which the partners help one another in their stewardships, indeed, are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” (Hawkins, p.41) So how were we going to support each other without being with each other? We began to pray for comfort and strength to know how to do this during our separation.

I’ll never forget the first night that he was gone. It was so hard to set the table and not set a spot for him. As days went by, some were easy and some were terrible. I remember trying to be strong and breaking down crying in the shower in tears just missing my husband. Tyler, my husband, and I were able to write emails daily and if we were lucky a phone call once a week. Knowing that he was safe , brought a great sense of peace. During this deployment, I started to notice how the Lord was watching over and blessing our family. The boys and I were praying for their dad’s safety and making packages for him. Sending him pictures of Cody growing each month. We were all becoming a united team. One that was supportive and stronger even though we weren’t together. Our equal partnership allowed us to understand that even though we weren’t together, the third member of that partnership was with both of us spiritually.

There is a great quote by Sheri Dew “Our Father knew exactly what He was doing when He created us. He made us enough alike to love each other, but enough different that we would need to unite our strengths and stewardships to create a whole. Thus, no marriage or family, no ward or stake is likely to reach its full potential until husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, men and women work together in unity of purpose, respecting and relying upon each other’s strengths”. Over time, we did this. Coming together as a strong unit. Truly understanding what we were fighting for, why our husband and father had to be gone, and what was the eternal purpose in it all”.

After one year of service and sacrifice, my husband and his military unit returned home to family and friends. What an experience for each of us. Freedom was gained in during that year. Freedom, according to Webster, means the power or right to act , speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. In our family, our equal partnership allowed us freedom to raise our family the way God would want us to even though we weren’t living in the same house. We were still united in purpose and together in love. Our kids too understood what our family goals were and they worked to help out so we could attain it. Freedom to some is about selfish behavior , but for this household it’s about family!

References:
Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2016), Successful Marriages and Families Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, Provo,Utah, BYU Studies

Dew, Sheri, L. (2001, November), "It is not good for Man or Woman to be alone", retrieved from www.churchofjesuschrist.org

It's Family Time!

It’s Family Time!!

Last week I chose to do wholesome recreational activities with my family while I was with all my kids in Utah. It says in The Family: A Proclamation to the the World, “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities”. I can testify that this statement is so true. As I spent time with my father, my boys and my in-laws, I realized that more than have fun with these people, I was building lasting relationships with my eternal family.

It started with my dad inviting us to a baseball game. We went to see the Ogden Raptors. It was so fun to watch my youngest son, Cody talking with my dad about the game. Their conversations brought back a ton of memories of my dad and I watching the St. Louis Cardinals vs. San Francisco Giants. He taught me how to keep score, rbi’s, errors and so on. I would eat red vines, peanuts and a hot dog. I can’t tell you much about the game, but I can tell you how special I felt to spend time with my dad. It was so fun.

In spending time with my boys, I tried to do things with each of them that they love to do. Jacob suggested that we go bowling. My husband and I used to take the boys bowling all the time. We weren’t very good but loved to be together. His memory of bowling was when he had his birthday party at the bowling alley. Austin loves to play board games. He chose for us to play trivial pursuit. He doesn’t play to show how smart he is (and he is) but to make jokes and get everyone to laugh. He kept giving the same answer hoping that he would eventually get one right! Cody loves to play basketball. He and I went to the gym and shot around. I enjoy that he loves something that I love. He loves that he can beat me every time. I just love spending time with him.

Meeting with all of Tyler’s family is always a blast, no matter what we do. When we get together its so fun to talk, laugh, play cards, or even play tennis! I am not as close with my siblings and so I dig being around these people. They give me a sense of belonging and joy

to have family.

“Life is complicated and full of demands. The expectation to experience wholesome recreation, while we travel down life’s road does not make life any easier. Recognizing the potholes along the way and the probable consequences if we step in them can help us avoid them making the journey easier.” (Hawkins,2016, p.228)Our family lives far apart and don’t get to spend much time together, so being together these past couple of weeks, allowed us to reconnect and enjoy each other. The gospel is about family. The plan of salvation is about giving his children everything needed to have a successful experience here on earth and to last for eternity.

“The divine plan of happiness enables family

relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.”

References
Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2016), Successful Marriages and Families Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, Provo,Utah, BYU Studies

How to Bake an Eternal Marriage

How to Bake an Eternal Marriage

I love to bake!! Cake, cookies, bread, cupcakes, and brownies. I guess you could say that I have a bit of a sweet tooth. Tonight, I decided to bake some chocolate chip cookies for my daughter-in-law. I didn’t have my normal recipe, so I decided to pick one I found online. Let me just say, the first batch did not turn out well. I realized that I needed to add more flour. As I did, it brought to mind studying the talk by President Spencer W. Kickball and the chapter “Foundational Processes for an Enduring Healthy Marriage”.

As I learned tonight, not all recipes are the same. The world will try to tell you that this is “the best” cookie recipe and it might not turn out the way you want it. The same can be said for marriage. The world continues to try to sell us on their ideas of marriage, defining and redefining what is “the best”. The best marriage, I believe, has been designed by our Heavenly Father. It is when a man and woman make covenants with each other in the Holy Temple.

So why did I make this wild comparison to baking cookies. Well, as I listened to President Kimball’s message, I immediately saw in my mind a batch of cookies. Here is the quote that bought it to mind. “There is a never-failing formula which will guarantee to every couple a happy and eternal marriage; but like all formulas, the principal ingredients must not be left out, reduced, or limited. The selection before courting and then the continued courting after the marriage process are equally important, but not more important than the marriage itself, the success of which depends upon the two individuals—not upon one, but upon two.” (Kimball, p. 196) Let’s change the word “formula” to the word “recipe”. There are vital ingredients needed in a cookie to make it into a cookie. Sugar, eggs, baking soda, flour, butter, and salt. If one of these was left out, reduced, or limited in the recipe-you wouldn’t have a cookie. Marriage, as President Kimball stated, to be successful requires principle ingredients. What are those? Well, I think prayer, love, fidelity, trust, friendship, willingness to work, and concern for the other’s happiness/well-being. President Kimball also talked about success being not just one person’s responsibility but both partners. In Chapter 3 of our book, Elder Bednar had a great quote that talked about the marriage covenant. He stated “The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moro. 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together.” I love the visual of how as we come to Christ on our own as husband and wife, we then come closer to each other.

Cookies and marriage are both very sweet things to me. I know that as my marriage has been put in the oven to bake these past 27 years, my husband and I have had struggles, joys, trials, and laughter, but so grateful to have done all these things together. So I encourage you the reader, to look at your marriage. Is the recipe that the Lord has given working for you? Have you use the best ingredients for the best possible outcome? Pray about how you and your spouse can achieve “the best” in your marriage. Maybe you could sit down together and talk about it over some cookies and a glass of milk!

References

Hawks, Dollahite, Draper, Successful Marriages and Families, 2016, Brigham Young University, p. 28

Kimball, Spencer W, (2018,June) Honorable,Happy,Successful Marriage,  

Retrieved from http://www.churchofjesuschrist.org