Freedom is about Family

Freedom is about Family

Yesterday, we celebrated the birth of our nation. A nation where many have fought and died that we could obtain freedom. I’d like to share a story of how my family and my marriage have lived through the experience of fighting for freedom.

Over 16 years ago, my son Cody was born and 10 days later my husband was deployed to Iraq.

My husband and I were also parents of 2 other boys. Jacob who was 9 and Austin who was 5. As a mother to these 3 boys, I would be on my own for a year. What was I going to do? When I got married to a soldier, I guess I naively thought he would never have to go to war. 9/11 changed all of that. We were married in the Oakland California temple. Sealed for time and all eternity. We shared our lives and responsibilities as equal partners. Now, he would be in the middle east and I would be with our three boys back in Utah.

“A marriage of equal partners will also be one in which the partners help one another in their stewardships, indeed, are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” (Hawkins, p.41) So how were we going to support each other without being with each other? We began to pray for comfort and strength to know how to do this during our separation.

I’ll never forget the first night that he was gone. It was so hard to set the table and not set a spot for him. As days went by, some were easy and some were terrible. I remember trying to be strong and breaking down crying in the shower in tears just missing my husband. Tyler, my husband, and I were able to write emails daily and if we were lucky a phone call once a week. Knowing that he was safe , brought a great sense of peace. During this deployment, I started to notice how the Lord was watching over and blessing our family. The boys and I were praying for their dad’s safety and making packages for him. Sending him pictures of Cody growing each month. We were all becoming a united team. One that was supportive and stronger even though we weren’t together. Our equal partnership allowed us to understand that even though we weren’t together, the third member of that partnership was with both of us spiritually.

There is a great quote by Sheri Dew “Our Father knew exactly what He was doing when He created us. He made us enough alike to love each other, but enough different that we would need to unite our strengths and stewardships to create a whole. Thus, no marriage or family, no ward or stake is likely to reach its full potential until husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, men and women work together in unity of purpose, respecting and relying upon each other’s strengths”. Over time, we did this. Coming together as a strong unit. Truly understanding what we were fighting for, why our husband and father had to be gone, and what was the eternal purpose in it all”.

After one year of service and sacrifice, my husband and his military unit returned home to family and friends. What an experience for each of us. Freedom was gained in during that year. Freedom, according to Webster, means the power or right to act , speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. In our family, our equal partnership allowed us freedom to raise our family the way God would want us to even though we weren’t living in the same house. We were still united in purpose and together in love. Our kids too understood what our family goals were and they worked to help out so we could attain it. Freedom to some is about selfish behavior , but for this household it’s about family!

References:
Hawkins, A., Dollahite, D., & Draper, T. (2016), Successful Marriages and Families Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives, Provo,Utah, BYU Studies

Dew, Sheri, L. (2001, November), "It is not good for Man or Woman to be alone", retrieved from www.churchofjesuschrist.org